Does life leave us a choice?

People often say when bad things happen in our life, it is entirely our choice on how to act on it. We can keep mourning on it or try to see it from different perspective. We can aggravate on the bad consequences or try to pick up shattered pieces of positive thing out of it. I can argue this even better with an analogy, take one coin, on your side you can argue that that coin is 1 dollar, on the other side, your friend can argue that it is the picture of a bird. Both you and your friend are looking at the same object and both of your arguments are valid, nevertheless you still argue about it intensely and none is willing to give up. The moral of this story is that life always has at least two sides of the story. Similar to that, when bad things happen, there are at least two ways of seeing it, you can take the positive side and move on OR stay there and mourn why this should happen, why me, why now...

I argue that the above proposition is amazingly ridiculous in many walks of our lives. Here is how the picture painted. For the past 3 months, I have gone through numerous astounding experiences. Money or friend, competition or cooperation, kill or be killed, ignorant is a foolish bliss or knowledge is painful satisfaction.
For years in my life, noting that i am still young, i ve been trying hard to kill my emotions, compassion, pity on poor and people in needs. My cruel world taught me to be strong and cunning.

I help my best friend and at the bottom rock of my life, he/she stabs me in the back. Sometimes it is for personal gain, sometimes because he/she has no more viable option. For instance, if my friend does not cheat my money, his/her sister will not eat that day. He/she prioritizes his/her family more than me, which i would have most likely done if i were put in his/her position. If you were me, how would you react? (Noting that you are not rich either and that money is meant to put your sister/brother into school). Will you let it go because you understand he is in a dire need of money or will you pursue that money by any means (cruel one)?
Today, i am sitting alone in the airport for more than 4 hours, partially worried because I do not have much money with me. My friend is supposed to pay her debt to me, but she is late. So i decided to wait and we converse through phone. Later i found out that her mother is suffering from cancer and she is in need of money. Worse, she probably is cheated by her investment manager. I feel a spark of pity and compassion, which i have suppressed so aggressively in my life.

In my life, i have gone through extreme transformation from a devoted christian into an atheist and subsequently a spiritual agnostic. I grow much faster than people in my age. On the age of 17 I acquaint with 50+ years friends, hanging out in socrates cafe, reading nietzsche, socrates, plato, hegel, kant, thoreau, discussing philosophy and works life. Life teaches me one thing about choice, at some point there is no way back... During my childhood as a christian i was astounded and mesmerized by the concept of heaven reward... I worked my ass off to satisfy the FAKE GOD because I am so horrified by the idea of living in hell forever and ever. I am caged and prisoned with no room for questioning ( that s how religion operates isnt it?). My religious counsel at school often told me that God provides us a choice in life. That is the reason why he put that apple tree in eden garden and allow lucifer to tempt human. My religious counsel told me otherwise human is just as good as robots with no freedom to reason and think. THEREFORE, god also provides human with a chance to choose either to believe in him (by accepting jesus as out savior) and rewarded heavenly crown or disobey him and punished hellish condemnation. They said questioning to the core (like why should we believe in god) is an abomination. I started to question myself as I was trapped in this christian hellhole. What s the point of me doing all these charities and good deeds, obeying god’s rules (the ten commandment) ? Is it because I was too afraid to go to hell?
Christians told me that life is a choice. God sets a path for us to heaven, but the choice is ours... I said BULLSHIT! WE can choose what to believe but not the consequences? It is pre-existing values. Why can I not do what god doesnt want me to, yet rewarded heaven? Christians even told me that the path to salvation is like a small path in mountainous areas (lord of the ring, where frodo walked through this small path to destroy the ring). It s small, dangerous and difficult to got through. On the contrary, the path to hell is much smoother, easier to walk on, and comfortable. THEREFORE, logically speaking, there are more people going to hell than heaven. I am so outraged now whenever a christian told me this analogy. I SAID FUCK OFF. The concept of choice is “there are thousands way to rome”, so if god is a reasonable creature, a choice should mean that there are other ways to heaven, not his way. By setting a standard of getting to heaven ONLY by obeying him leaves us no choice and no room for argument BECAUSE OTHERWISE WE WILL PUNISHED WITH ETERNAL HELLISH SUFFERING.

In the context of life, practical things, daily walks, we are preached that we can make any choice we want, to become a lawyer, a criminal, a monk, an honest or dishonest businessman. However, people often forget to tell you “oh by the way, you ll get into a shithole if you take that path”. I ve just watched several early editions of the practice. It is the serious version of Boston legal and it makes sense, very realistic. Your job compels you to choose your integrity or a young female future. He has to lie to his client, misrepresentation, violating his ethical codes, values he has been living with, values he has been preaching everyone with OR that little girl loses her life. IT s not a choice, it s like what Christianity does. Jesus says in one of the New Testaments “I am the only path of salvation, no one else go to Father if not from me”.

As Obama said in relation to Iran case, “I am outraged and appalled”. What THE FUCK ARE WE DOING? HUMANITY? FUCK IT... I am blaming all the hypocrisies and evil deeds many humans have done... LOOK at WHAT HUMAN does to people like hitler and stalin. YOU FORCE THEM to become a monster. YOU FUCKER. LIFE is a choice? YOU ARE FUCKIN CUNNING AND SLICK, hiding behind the mask of truthfulness and morality, while you are so corrupt. People like me are viewed and judged as corrupt individuals because I QUESTION THE TRUTH AND YOUR FUCKED MORAL STANDARD. LIFE leaves us a choice? You are kidding me. They always forget to tell you the consequences, dothey not? My parents say please do pursue your dream, go to law school, but we will not support you. A government says please do practice your freedom of expression, it s healthy for a well functioning democracy, but we are going to sue your sorry ass (JB J in singapore). ALL religious congregations say we appreciate differences, and other religions, BUT IT YOU ARE NOT PART OF OUR RELIGION THAN YOU ARE A SINNER, and you belong to hell. Quran says “to some people, the path of islam, will be closed forever”. Holy bible says “those who do not accept jesus christ as his saviour belongs to hell” IF I DON T FUCKIN ACCEPT YOUR VALUE THEN I AM A KAFIR/ A SINNER? You all put this fucking thick mask and pretend that you accept differences, but deep down there in your heart you are telling yourself “these people are going to hell” FUCK YOU!!
You push people like me to the corner where it is so close to falling down into a chasm and then threaten me that if I dont believe in you (mainstream values, conservative asian/javanese FUCKED UP values, religions), you will push me down. You leave me no choice but to transform into a leviathan beast to push you back and rip your heart apart for all oppressions you GAVE ME. WORSE YOU ARE SO SLICK ABOUT IT, NOT BEING UPFRONT!! This is at the point there is no way back, if i move back (if i go lenient by being compassionate) i ll die, falling down to the chasm so i have to strike to the front and kill those in my ways. KILL OR BE KILLED! Let s play your game asshole, I want to taste the sweet revenge to THE FUCKED UP MISERIES LIFE BRING UPON ME because I QUESTION. Is it not what you all have been teaching me through the history of mankind?

“Nothing else in the world satisfies human innate animal’s nature than revenge. It is the strongest motivation ever found on earth. The drive to destroy supersedes every other motivation and that include peace, social tolerance, betterment of human kind, improvement of health. That is the reason why an evil always outsmart the naive angel.”