A piece of my comrade's beautiful expression of human's pain

I am extending a beautiful piece of my comrade's beautiful expression of human's pain.

It captures some parts of me. Indeed, it is a translation of her state of mind and soul. Beauty in the presence of pain.

"Atrophy

By the cover of night, the demons prey
In chronic pain, the languishing physique
bears a soul which grows increasingly weak.
But then help arrives with the light of day
as unknowing angels flit closeby.
But in truth the forces at play are sly...
In these precious hours they're held at bay.
And temporarily, the spirit forgets,
putting aside what loneliness begets.
Soon enough they will come out to play.
As the presence of others wanes, It shines.
Precocious irrationality blurs lines.
Despite reality, be what it may,
unattended, the dark thoughts pervade.
Through the mind, the floods invade.
Though strong, they cannot possibly stay.
Still, this heart will be repeatedly torn;
the psyche, confused, now content, then forlorn."

Good bye and break up

Good bye semantically denotes a wish that a physical separation from someone will be of a good nature. Good bye... wishing that after the separation one is still good and will be better off after it.

What language often fails to capture is the past and the future of the good bye. Context of goodbye differs from one person to another person and from one situation to another situation.

We will then ask ourselves: why do we say goodbye? what do we mean by good bye when we actually say it? Do we really wish someone a good life after that 'bye'?

Why do we care what kind of life that someone will face after the 'bye'? Do we distinguish the gradation of "good" from one person to another person? Is there a time when we wish someone a "good" bye with an expectation of a better life than the life of another person who we also "good" bye to?

What about a loved one in the sense of eros and amorous nature? What do we really mean by "good bye"?

Do we really wish he/she will be happier with someone else because we cannot provide such happiness in a silver plate? Do we honestly want her to be happier?

Then we ask ourselves, is it our failures that such happiness state cannot be achieved when the loved one was with us? Do we blame it on circumstances? Do we just give up on circumstances?

It is once postulated as a conventional wisdom that to love is to release, for in stranglehold one cannot breathe and remains in pain.

To love is to let go, but to love is also to long for companionship. Is it not paradoxical or even oxymoronic at the same time?

How can you want to die and at the same time want to live? How can black be white at the same space and time continuum, in the same respect?

Conundrum ...

I have said goodbye too many times that i lose track of what it shall mean. I have lost track of how to quantify and qualify the meaning of the word I have said. Perhaps it is a curse and a gift to provide meaning to the word. Perhaps, it is best to leave the word as a mystery. Looking out for it will do nothing good by entrapment in a labyrinth of conundrum.

Good bye, i guess. the best meaning i can assign is I have done all I can... Not cirucmstances nor cosmic conspiracy that compel a "bye", but it is you... I will revoltingly say "good" in the bye and sincerely mean it... because in the absence of my 5 senses of your future condition, i can only hope you do well... though it is out of my control... and as a selfish species of bacteria and a limit of memory and sense of observation, a "good bye" does nothing better than "utter silence", because a wish not realized and responded is as good as "a semantic glitch without substance"

the wise and the strong

The wise and the strong make mistakes and fail miserably. But he will stand up and walk the same path again. and this process will repeat.

The fool and the weak make mistakes and fail miserably. And, she will deny such mistakes, and deny the chance for herself and him to stand up and walk the same path again.

a hope

Dear myself again,

You can sustain all bumps, all strikes, all hardships... because you know there will be a beautiful end on this horrendous road, in entrapment with dolphin girl.

You can change, amorph, adapt, to anything... You are strong and plastic. You will change anything with or without great regrets for her happiness...

You have hope...

Hi there my self...

Hi there myself. reflected in the mirror. You are my past, but closer in seconds than I am now.

We have argued hard, bled hard, hemorrhaged to death. Let's make a pact. One beyond fact. One with tact.

It is in hurting that we learn to feel. Maybe it is late... but it never dissipates.

What is real and not? Unfortunately, I cannot provide you the answer, myself. I cannot...

But we maintain what we feel and hold on to it, though we are being squeezed and tromped in the calamity of travelling back and forth between the dream land and the reality. Let it go... We cannot control everything... There is a leap of faith to take.

We may be hurt. We may fall down. We may be devastated. We may be crushed.

But what makes a life is to stand up afterwards... and walk in great agony.

And smile while doing that. Because life is too tasty for us to avoid the vinegar of life. Even when death is ready to pick us up, deliver with smile and chivalry.

Because that is the end of a worthy life, and the beginning of another beautiful journey with the dolphin girl...

a journey going back home...

what can be lost can be found; what can be broken can be fixed; what can be hurt can feel; what can be dismayed can be rejoiced; what can be mourned can be reminisced; what can be erred can be repented...--- self-generated in contemplating misery and rancor